I Am the ‘Penis and Vagina’ Kid from the Classic 1990 Film: A Candid Conversation.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is best known as an Hollywood heavyweight. However, at the height of his cinematic dominance in the eighties and nineties, he also delivered several surprisingly great comedies. A prime example is Kindergarten Cop, which marks its three-and-a-half decade milestone this winter.
The Film and The Famous Scene
In the classic film, Schwarzenegger portrays a undercover cop who poses as a kindergarten teacher to track down a criminal. During the movie, the investigation plot serves as a simple backdrop for Schwarzenegger to have charming scenes with children. Arguably the most famous features a little boy named Joseph, who spontaneously rises and states the stoic star, “Males have a penis, girls have a vagina.” Arnold deadpans, “I appreciate the insight.”
That iconic child was portrayed by child star Miko Hughes. In addition to this part included a recurring role on Full House as the schoolyard menace to the child stars and the character of the youngster who comes back in the 1989 adaptation of Stephen King’s Pet Sematary. He continues to act today, with multiple films on the horizon. Furthermore, he engages with fans at popular culture events. Recently discussed his experiences from the filming of the classic 35 years later.
A Young Actor's Perspective
Interviewer: First, how old were you when you filmed Kindergarten Cop?
Miko Hughes: I think I was four. I was the smallest of all the kids on set.
Wow, I have no memory from being four. Do you have any memories from that time?
Yeah, somewhat. They're snapshots. They're like visual recollections.
Do you recall how you were cast in Kindergarten Cop?
My parents, primarily my mom would take me to auditions. Frequently it was an open call. There'd be 20, 30 kids and we'd all patiently queue, enter the casting office, be in there for a very short time, do whatever little line they wanted and then leave. My parents would coach me on the dialogue and then, when I became literate, that was probably the first stuff I was reading.
Do you have a specific memory of meeting Arnold? What was your impression of him?
He was extremely gentle. He was fun. He was pleasant, which I guess isn't too surprising. It'd be weird if he was mean to all the kids in the classroom, that probably wouldn't make for a productive set. He was great to work with.
“It would be strange if he was unpleasant to all the kids in the classroom.”
I knew he was a huge celebrity because that's what my parents told me, but I had barely seen his movies. I felt the importance — he was a big deal — but he wasn't scary to me. He was simply playful and I only wanted to hang out with him when he was available. He was working hard, but he'd sometimes engage here and there, and we would cling to his muscles. He'd flex and we'd be dangling there. He was exceptionally kind. He bought every kid in the classroom a personal stereo, which at the time was the hottest tech. That was the coolest device, that iconic bright yellow cassette player. I listened to the Power Rangers soundtrack and the Ninja Turtles soundtrack for ages on that thing. It wore out in time. I also have a real silver whistle. He had the teacher's whistle, and the kids all were gifted copies as well.
Do you remember your experience as being enjoyable?
You know, it's interesting, that movie is such a landmark. It was such a big movie, and it was an incredible opportunity, and you would think, as an adult, I would want my memories to be of the star himself, the legendary director, the location shoot, the production design, but my memories are of being a finitely child at lunch. For instance, they got everyone pizza, but I avoided pizza. All I would eat was the pepperoni off the top. Then, the Nintendo Game Boy was just released. That was the coolest toy, and I was proficient. I was the smallest kid and some of the older kids would hand me their devices to beat difficult stages on games because I knew how, and I was quite pleased with myself. So, it's all youthful anecdotes.
The Infamous Moment
OK, that specific dialogue, do you remember anything about it? Did you know what you were saying?
At the time, I likely didn't understand what the word taboo meant, but I understood it was edgy and it caused the crew to chuckle. I understood it was kind of something I wasn't supposed to do, but I was given special permission in this case because it was funny.
“It was a difficult decision for her.”
How it was conceived, according to family lore, was they didn't have specific roles. Some character lines were part of the original screenplay, but once they had the entire ensemble assembled, it wasn't necessarily improv, but they refined it on set and, presumably it's either the director or producers came to my mom and said, "We're thinking. We want Miko to say this. Are you okay with this?" My mom didn't agree right away. She said, "Let me think about it, let me sleep on it" and took some time. She deliberated carefully. She said she wasn't sure, but she believed it would likely become one of the iconic quotes from the movie and her instinct was correct.
